It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
