My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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