Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
