smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
only you would photoshop your dick
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize