We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
