hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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