Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
