she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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