Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
