ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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