Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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