i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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