Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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