Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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