they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
