just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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