your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize