...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
