i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
