I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
