If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
