I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
