no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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