I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
