I faked an abortion last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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