Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
we should paint friendship bongs
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
