I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
