only you would photoshop your dick
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
