Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
