Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
