When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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