Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
