Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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