I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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