Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
