we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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