Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
