i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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