Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
