My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
