Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
