You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
