Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
