Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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