me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize