sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
