Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
