TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
