i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
