omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
