I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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