I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
