after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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