Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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