Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
