How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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