Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
