You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
