I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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