After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize