dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
