WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
worst night to have a conscience
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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