I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
