Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
