You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
