i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
