nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
do herpes really smell.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
