I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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