I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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