K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
