y did u give ur computer a hand job?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
