I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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