Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize