You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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